wooh poetry

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wooh poetry

Post by Knyfe on Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:16 am

I don't want any of my topics to have capital letters in them. Ever.

So I wrote out this long thing but then I accidentally refreshed the page and lost everything, but who cares for intros, anyway?
"Villain" was written on February 27, and "Missing" was written on February 28.
I won't include any of my older poems.

Villain:
A villain lives inside us all
Though curtain, brick or dusty wall
May block his view of outer life
And keep his hand from gripping knife
But mortar crumbles, fabric rips
He softly whispers evil tips
Into each passing human ear
Your villain strikes their pointless fear
He eats your soul from the inside
Don't bother, friend,
You cannot hide.

Missing:
The shore is drowned in salty froth,
The pebbles lie like lazy sloth,
Bliss may come, but at what cost?
You miss it naught until it's lost.

The sunset glows a worn-out grey,
Tomorrow comes, as some would say,
You wish you'd kept the pebble tossed?
You miss it, don't you; now it's lost.

A hand grabs out, it's catching water,
Trigger pulls and now he's shot her,
Endless toil, near exhaust?
You'll miss it, won't you, once it's lost.


fdkaufgtikuewfjsadklf
Consider this a closing statement.
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Re: wooh poetry

Post by Lonin on Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:02 am

>: Lonin doesn't really like poetry.
But these are cool.
This bit:
"He softly whispers evil tips
Into each passing human ear"
That there bit kinda ruined the flow. Or it did for Lonin.

The second one is nice. c:

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Re: wooh poetry

Post by Knyfe on Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:06 am

Haha, yeah.
Thanks.
I couldn't think what to put there. :\
Still looking to revise it though, so if you think of something tell me please. :3
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Re: wooh poetry

Post by uniqueme on Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:37 am

Veru nice, i liked Villain:

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Re: wooh poetry

Post by Kaeliah on Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:04 pm

Very nice. If I may point out your poems are very smooth when read aloud, except for one blip. "From the inside" on the second to last line of villain is too choppy. I would just drop the 'the'. The one Lonin mentioned is fine, he wasn't reading it right. Razz
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